Featured Post

"Dear Wounded" Song From 2010

Today I'd like to share a song I wrote in 2010. I was collaborating with a band named Smashcan at the time, and they were sincerely cons...

Hot, and not in a Good Way

I'm hot, and my chest is rather congested at this time. It's not like a fever, but more like the room feels hotter than it actually is.

Today wasn't such a good day. I keep trying to do regular things, and they just aren't working anymore. A guy was talking to me about a job today, too. He was trying to be helpful, and I was just standing there thinking, "Man, I can't even sit up half the time, lol. There's no way I'm going to be putting in 12 hours a day at anyone's factory." 

I couldn't say that to him though because I didn't want him to think I was lazy or didn't want to work. It's not that I don't want to, but I have to be realistic. I can do a sedentary job like the one I've been doing, or I can do a driving job, but that still doesn't mean that I won't sometimes be too sick to do those, too. I can maybe stand in front of someone's counter, but I'll need to sit down after a while. It is what it is, and this is the way it is.

I'd try really hard to do a driving job just for the health benefits, but I don't think there's much else for me out there. Let's see: 

Dear corporate employers: Anybody looking for non-energetic, Sabbath-keeping swollen folks who want premium hourly pay and good-a$$ health insurance? No? I didn't think so.

I was doing fairly well until I went outside to bleed the power steering system on the car. I even got someone to jack the car up for me, but it still took a lot of strength to move the wheels to the extreme left and the extreme right over and over again until...

I never did get finished. I plum ran out of energy before all the dang bubbles got out of the power steering system. Then I noticed that my legs were swollen. Beh. I couldn't do anymore. I went to the store to get some more juice and water. I picked up a piece of grilled chicken on the way because, at that point, I needed it. 

I took a shower, and now I'm done. I have no energy left. I'm not even sitting all the way up right now. I'm at a 25-degree angle and struggling to write. I can not believe that I feel this crappy. If you look at the numbers, they don't even look as bad as I feel. I mean, they're significant, but it seems like I feel 10 times worse than what the numbers show, lol.

There has got to be something that will make this better. I mean, WTF, and that F does stand for fudge. There's gotta be like a special drink that'll just perk me up ASAP. 

I pray, but sometimes I'm too tired to do that. I do it in my mind because I don't have the energy to go in the prayer area and get into prayer position and such.

I never know what each day is going to be like. Tomorrow I might be writing about having a "good day," but right now, I feel like crap. Every time I have a "good day," I get excited like it's going to stay, and then I get disappointed when it doesn't. It just doesn't seem like I'm getting any better or it's passing or anything. 

I don't have it in me to work all night. I think I'm just going to go to sleep. I need to open a window first.

No comments:

Post a Comment