Featured Post

"Dear Wounded" Song From 2010

Today I'd like to share a song I wrote in 2010. I was collaborating with a band named Smashcan at the time, and they were sincerely cons...

Strange Day

I got hit on by a man-lady who told me I was attractive for a 50-year-old. Ouch. Usually, people underestimate my age. Wow, I guess I haven't been looking very youthful in my ill state. I felt like crap this morning, and I guess it's starting to show on the outside. Um, what's up with the lesbianic advances, though? I'm not into chicks, even if they make themselves look like little boys. Lol, I don't swing that way. In fact, I don't swing any way. I take lots of pride in my continuing celibacy, but not too much pride as to become arrogant. That would be sinful. 

All I need right now are some caring people in my life. You know, some genuinely caring people who aren't trying to get something from me... who aren't trying to hurt me in any way. I am too sick to even make it all the way to the store sometimes, so a relationship won't be happening anytime soon. Besides, I don't think kidney failures and possible cardiac issues are on the "hot" list of what men are looking for in a gal these days, lol. 

Many men are runners, which means that they disappear when you need help and come back only after you straighten your situation out. I vehemently dislike men who are uncaring and run away when a woman in their life needs help. That means daddies, boyfriends, husbands, brothers, uncles...whoever. It's a horrible quality, especially since men are technically supposed to be the supporters and leaders. I dealt with runners in the past, and I won't deal with any more. Who needs someone like that? I always say you can do bad by yourself. 

So the latest update is that I need to visit a testing center to be evaluated for possible cardiac issues. It's not a definite thing. It's just a possibility that this situation is more complicated than just "renal/kidney failure." Someone needs to hook me up to a machine or some such and take a look at my heart on a deeper level. The problem is that just getting somewhere is a financial burden to me. 

One of the worst situations in the world to be in is to be too sick to work consistently and then not have a choice but to work or be put in the street. I won't lie and say that that in itself isn't stressful, but the chest pain isn't stress related. The chest pain occurs only when I do strenuous physical activity, like walking or turning my car wheels back and forth to bleed the power steering system. Like I said before, it feels like something is pinched or restricted in my chest, but it's only noticeable when I exert my body. Otherwise, it manifests as extreme fatigue.

I went out there today and tried to fool with the car, but it just wasn't happening. I had to sit down. I tried to get AAA to help as much as possible, but there's only so much they're allowed to do. I'm going to try to tough it out because I have no choice but to try to work for a few more hours, but if I get worse, I will try to drive the car to the hospital. I can't afford to pay Uber to take me there, and I don't want to rack up an ambulance bill that I can't pay. 

I will try to make my Shabbat faith-based video later with the strength that I do have. Right now I have a headache, and I think  some tea and a hot bath may help. I really need my Heavenly Father to make this better for me. I really do.

No comments:

Post a Comment