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Showing posts from February, 2018

I Made Up My Mind

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I think my car has turned into a permanent project vehicle. You know how some people who are mechanically inclined like to always have something to tinker with or play with all the time? That's me. I don't think I'll ever be officially done with the car as far as I'm concerned. I'll always be working on something. Last Sunday it was the transmission cooler line. Today it was some minuscule coolant hoses. Sunday I'll be on a mission to get my lights back on and find the vacuum leak if the Father is willing to keep me in this world 'til that day. 

So I went outside to work on those two hoses near the throttle body, and I had a nightmarish time getting the right one off to put a new clamp on so that I could tighten it up. The area was just so tight. I finally did it, but then my arm suddenly felt like someone had punched me in it in several places. Ow, ow, ow was all I kept saying. I didn't hit my arm or anything. It just started spazzing out or something. …

Trying Hard to Stay Awake

So I'm still up at the crack of dawn trying to keep myself awake long enough to earn money to go to the doctor (again). I'm having some issues today, and I don't know, I just don't feel like my doctors are communicating well. I probably don't communicate perfectly either. I guess they don't really know me, but here's the thing:I'm a big baby, and sickness puts me in a thumbsucking mindset.You know? 

So it's like when I'm sick, I want so badly to be comforted by someone, but I also want to share in my diagnosis and treatment because I'm intelligent enough to understand what's going on. I want to know everythingevery step of the way. I can't deal with people disappearing on me and not telling me stuff or being shifty and whatnot, lol. I don't want to feel like a provider is not being forthcoming. My trust had already gotten jacked up at the hospital, so I didn't need it to get any worse. 

I'm not sure what it is that I need r…

The "Curse" of Singleness

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There seems to be a modern consensus in society that says that we must have a partner in this life, whether it be a spouse, significant other, or some other type of arrangement. It's not a concept that's exclusive to the heathen. Even people of faith have this thing where they sometimes look at the single person as if there's something wrong with his or her singleness

I beg to differ on the idea that single people are some type of rejects, rebels, or envelope pushers. I beg to differ on the speculations that such people have a "fear" or an "issue they're carrying with them" that causes them to be alone. I beg to differ on the belief that singleness and -- oh my goodness -- abstinence and celibacy are "conditions" that one should pity. 

I beg to differ because I'm a single person, and I'm absolutely fine with it. You see, I see my singleness as an opportunity to spend as much time as I can with the Creator. I'm a busy person bec…

Frustrating Fitting

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Today was an odd day. I'm starting to really wonder at this point if someone isn't messing with my car while I'm sleeping. I can't seem to stay awake long enough to catch anyone, but every time I go outside, there's something new that I need to fix. Some of those issues just plain didn't happen on their own. Like the transmission cooler line, for instance. They have clamps on them and an additional black plastic piece that goes around everything to hold it in place. I never touched anywhere near that stuff when I changed the head gasket. There was no need to. So what I'm saying is that I find it really hard to believe that both pieces just popped off randomly and leaked all of my transmission fluid out like two seconds after someone test-drove the car, and it was running fine. I mean, maybe it was a random thing, but it just seems really odd. No matter how it happened, I was still stuck having to fix it and then pay for several quarts of transmission fluid…

1/5/18 Feelings Into Words

The experience I had in the hospital on 1/5/18 was traumatizing. I can't stress enough how much I hesitated to go there in the first place because of my financial situation. I'm someone who has been trying to recover from previous trauma and previous financial issues for years now. It had been an uphill battle, so I didn't want to accumulate anything new that would hold me back from getting affordable housing any longer. 

I waited until I absolutely felt like I was dying to go there.

I remember telling a friend of mine that I felt a sense of comfort because I thought that once I got to the hospital, everything would be okay. I packed my clothes before I went because I knew that I was really ill, and I thought I would be admitted. I really thought they were going to keep me because I felt that bad. Instead, I was sent home crying and feeling humiliated and not even taken seriously. The questions that ran through my mind were:


What did I do to deserve this treatment?Why didn…