Trying Hard to Stay Awake

So I'm still up at the crack of dawn trying to keep myself awake long enough to earn money to go to the doctor (again). I'm having some issues today, and I don't know, I just don't feel like my doctors are communicating well. I probably don't communicate perfectly either. I guess they don't really know me, but here's the thing: I'm a big baby, and sickness puts me in a thumbsucking mindset. You know? 

So it's like when I'm sick, I want so badly to be comforted by someone, but I also want to share in my diagnosis and treatment because I'm intelligent enough to understand what's going on. I want to know everything every step of the way. I can't deal with people disappearing on me and not telling me stuff or being shifty and whatnot, lol. I don't want to feel like a provider is not being forthcoming. My trust had already gotten jacked up at the hospital, so I didn't need it to get any worse. 

I'm not sure what it is that I need right now. A neutral party that I was talking to yesterday asked me what it was that I wanted from people. This person asked me what I would say to my absent "friends" or relatives if they were to talk to me. At first, I didn't even know how to answer that. I'm so used to people disappearing when I need them the most that I probably wouldn't know what to say if someone were actually there for me during a rough patch and interested in how I was feeling or doing. 

I guess I want comfort or just to know someone cares and is there. Even if they can't do anything for me, just knowing someone gives a crap would be cool. Uh, and you know, sometimes a simple kind word can carry someone a long way. 

Anyway, what's happening is that my current symptoms are frightening me, and I also feel like the specialists are downplaying things. I just have that feeling, you know, but then again, I recently experienced trauma. I could be just super skeptical right now. That was the first time I ever heard a physician lie, and the experience was very, very jading. 

Eh, but I can't just go to the doctor anytime I feel like it. Everything costs money, and this Uber stuff has been KILLING me. I think if I do go somewhere today, I'm going to take my car. Screw it. Now is a good enough time than any to open her up on the actual highway. I have a water leak coming from some tiny hoses on the plenum that I forgot to tighten real good. Those might be my suspected "vacuum leak" as well. I'll tighten those and see what's what. 

The loss of headlights and taillights boggled me as everything else like the radio, dash lights, and power stuff works. A fuse? I guess I need to check. It must be because they were just on the other day.

I think I got the transmission cooler line clamp in tight enough to hold the fluid in. I'm going to be really upset if I find out I didn't because I'll lose any new fluid that I buy. That stuff isn't cheap, and unfortunately, Chevys usually don't take the standard stuff that you can get from the dollar store or convenience store. Oh, no, no, no. You have to buy the Chevy-specific crap. Speaking of Chevy-specific crap, have I mentioned that I hate Dex-Cool? I think everyone hates Dex-Cool. No one keeps it in their Chevy.  

Whether I drive the car any significant distance today depends on how much control I can get of the leaks. I'll run that wench ragged if the leaks are slow, and I'll replace whatever's leaking later. As long as it isn't motor oil, I don't care.

I'm starting to feel really tired. This is usually the part where my body completely shuts down while I'm typing or editing, and I can't fight the process. I fell asleep like that last night. I just kept trying and trying to edit this same piece, and I kept waking up like, "Dang! I fell asleep." I thought I got it done, but nope. That same article was sitting there unedited when I woke up this morning. I can't fight it when my body says night-night. Hell, sometimes I can't even remember it. I'll just be working, and then I'll wake up and it'll be morning.

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