What Artists Do When They're Bored

I started messing with some buttons on a random app, and it led me to a place where I could "make an avatar of myself." I was semi-interested, so I fiddled with it a bit. The first step was to take a selfie and then let the software create the foundation of the avatar'ss face from my picture. It seemed interesting, so I tried it.

Um... NO.

I didn't think the avatar looked anything like me at all. In fact, I thought this program was the worst avatar creation software I'd ever used. However, I still went ahead and tinkered with buttons and messed with features and added afro hair to her and so forth. I probably spent a whole hour diddling with this avatar. I'm an artist, so I get stuck on silly stuff like this. He-he.

Well, now she has her own little personality. I think she's kind of cute, but she still looks nothing like me. I colored her eyes and gave her a little button nose, lol. Additionally, she has no breasts, and I couldn't seem to find her any either. That was the glitch I found in the app. All the avatars came out flat-chested whether they were supposed to be male or female. There was no bust size adjustment button either. You could adjust their clothes, hair, nose, head, ears, etc. etc. etc., but you couldn't give 'em any titties... at all. Shameful. 

Oh well. I had fun, though. I might make some more of these little characters later. Maybe I'll name them, too.  I made these two with a different program. 

I'm Happy With the Breast Reduction


Here I am five days post-op, and I am delighted with the results. It's exactly what I wanted. Now, mind you, the breasts are still swollen in some areas and not swollen in other areas, lol. They have not taken their permanent shape and size yet. It takes about three months to a year to get there. But as you can see, my arms and torso are very small and are much more equipped for what I have now.

I am very pleased with what I see so far. That is the very first picture I've ever revealed my upper body in my entire life. 

Now, as far as the belly and the contour goes, I know I still have work to do. I had four children and an underbelly surgical cut from an ectopic. Thus, it will never be perfect. But I know I can flatten my belly and accent my curves naturally, which I intend to do the moment I hit that six-week post-op mark. Planet Fitness is getting ready to see a whole lot of this girl!

The Time I Really Needed a Walmart Mobility Cart


I'm usually completely politically incorrect when I talk about the mobility scooter carts at Walmart. I refer to them as "handicapped carts." Well, today I was the unproud user of one of those "handicapped carts." I overestimated my healing process and thought it'd be okay if I walked to Walmart and got something I needed because I live right across the street. NOPE! It wasn't okay. No, ma'am, it wasn't okay at all. My chest started hurting, and I started sweating just from walking, lol. By the time I got halfway there, I wanted to turn around and go back home (or lie down right there), but I was already halfway there, so I pressed on.

The lady at the door helped get me a "handicapped cart," and I sincerely needed it and used it to make my purchase. 

It drives me crazy to be vulnerable and dependent. I am so used to being independent (because I'm forced to be), that it drives me nuts when I can't do stuff. I can't wait until I get better. I'm still happy I went through with the surgery, and I'm very happy with the results. I just have to get through the next six weeks of being... well... disabled. The good part is that these three angels helped me when I needed it the most. They got me home from the hospital and got me to my doctors' appointments. They even made me foods and made sure I ate well while I was recuperating. I wouldn't have eaten if I were left to my own devices, but I couldn't say no to delicious Southern cooking that someone had gone out of their way to make me. 

I am so appreciative of the help I received through this challenging time. I thank "God" for sending those angels my way. But... I didn't want to be a burden, so I tried to get to Walmart myself today instead of asking someone to go there and bring something to me. Those people had already done so much for me, ya know? Unfortunately, my body isn't ready for any serious walking yet. Not at all, but I didn't know until I tried it. 

Yeah, no. Not a good idea at all. 

*Sits back down on the couch and wraps up in blanky*

Opinions About Breast Reductions


The subject of breast reduction surgery has sparked some conversation and controversy among myself and other individuals. Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to such an opinion. I welcome opinions and appreciate a good opportunity to trade arguments and exchange banter. However, at the end of the day, it's my body and my decision. I'll always do what's best for me and not anyone else. I feel that I spent too many years of my life trying to please other people, and it has never gotten me anywhere. At this time in my life, I'm going to put myself and my health and happiness first. 

Three questions have come up along this journey:

  1. People want to know why I want to get a breast reduction.
  2. They want to know my religious views about the matter.
  3. They wonder if I could have chosen an alternative to getting a breast reduction. 

Why I Wanted a Breast Reduction

I can't lie and say that I wasn't ecstatic when one of my medical practitioners suggested that I consider a breast reduction. I was 100 percent on board with the idea. However, my breast reduction is not a whimsical cosmetic procedure that I'm doing for a vain reason. My breasts truly cause me back, neck, and shoulder pain, and those issues are now affecting my ability to do my job. I'm in constant pain and have lost functionality in both of my shoulders over the past few years. My spine is out of alignment. My posture is poor. My neck hurts, and so on. Besides that, I have scars, cuts, and bruises from where my bra straps have damaged my body over the years. That's all physical pain.

Now, let's look at the psychological and emotional aspects of having overly sized breasts. I have always had to deal with objectification and mistreatment because of them. In other words, the male "species" always treated me like I was a person to be used for sexual purposes only and then thrown away afterward. They assumed that I had no substance other than my cleavage. There is so much more to me than my chest, but none of them ever saw it. The mistreatment from men caused me years of psychological and emotional damage that will take years for me to recover from even after I don't have large breasts anymore. 

People always made fun of my breasts and stared at them like I was a circus freak. I remember one time an ex-boyfriend of mine called my breasts, "flapjack titties." Granted, he was a narcissist whose sole purpose was to make me feel lower than dirt. But knowing that didn't make the pain decrease for me. Emotional or verbal abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse because the wounds stay with you for years. 

Furthermore, I was unable to participate in sports activities and exercises the way I wanted to. I couldn't wear normal clothing. I couldn't wear a bathing suit or lingerie. I had trouble finding my bra size in the store. 

The list of problems I had with my breasts goes on and on. So no, I'm not getting it done for a cosmetic purpose. I'm getting it done to alleviate extreme physical, emotional, and psychological pain. Any cosmetic benefit that comes from it will be a bonus. 

Other People's Opinions About My Breast Reduction

I get mixed opinions about the reduction. I didn't ask any men how they felt about it because, frankly, I don't give a damn what their opinion is. The same men who would speak against it are probably the same men who would use me as a sexual object because of my breasts. They're the same men who wouldn't want to know anything about my goals, likes, dislikes, desires, abilities, or dreams. Thus, I didn't even allow them to express an opinion. I would have dismissed it even if I had. I don't have a significant other at this time. There's no husband, boyfriend, or friend with or without benefits. Perhaps I would have welcomed an opinion from that person if he existed, but I still would have done what was best for me. 

I went to high school with some women who have breasts that are much larger than mine. However, those women also have much larger frames than I have. Thus, the problem doesn't affect them physically the same way as they affect me. They love their breasts and wouldn't change them for the world. I respect their decisions, and I believe that their breasts are beautiful. They match their frames perfectly. If my breasts matched my frame and didn't cause me any pain, I'd surely keep mine, as well. 

My family members are supportive of the reduction. They know me well, and they know I've suffered in many ways throughout my life. They are all for it, although one family member advised me not to go too small. She was concerned that I might become a member of the "itty bitty titty committee." Personally, I won't mind having a smaller size. I don't want to be a B cup, but I certainly wouldn't mind a full C or even a single D.  

My Religious Views on Breast Reduction

I believe that "God" made us all beautiful and wonderful. However, I also think that he allowed some of us to develop deformities. Perhaps, he allows it to help us to grow and see how we will handle the issue. Maybe it's a challenge or a test. Maybe I'm failing that test. However, I still believe he's a loving entity who wouldn't want anyone to suffer emotional, physical, and psychological pain if the deformity caused such issues. All good things, such as medicine and surgeries, are gifts from him. Therefore, I don't believe that having a breast reduction to alleviate one's pain is a sin. I might have a different opinion about augmentations, but then again, I might not. I'm still on the fence about that because women who have small breasts can also suffer severe emotional and psychological pain. Who am I to judge another? 

What About Alternative Solutions?

What alternative solution is available for making your breasts smaller? Exercise? Well, the ability to reduce your breast size through exercise depends on whether the size is primarily from fat or tissue. In my case, it's all tissue. I'm already a small person who has lost weight. There is no difference in my breast size whatsoever. 

What about chiropractic treatment, physical therapy, pain medication, and so forth? Those are all lovely temporary solutions... if they work at all. They will not provide anyone with a permanent solution if they continue to have massive breasts hanging from the torso. I've tried all of the "alternative methods," and the physical pain prevails because the pain source is still there. 

I considered all factors before I decided to have the procedure done. It's something that I always wondered about, to be honest. I'd have done it a long time ago if I knew I could have it done. Now it appears that I need it, and I've been granted the chance to have it done. I'm delighted about doing it. 

The Disadvantages of Having Large Breasts

Someone asked me why I would even consider getting my infamous tatas reduced. My answer was as follows: "There is absolutely no benefit to having extremely large breasts, especially if you're a small-framed woman." In fact, I can think of 11 negatives to having them. That is not me or my tatas in the picture, by the way. It's a Nigerian woman who blew up on Instagram three years ago for her massive breasts. I can only imagine what her back feels like. 

1. Men Don't Want to Get to Know Us

Men don't want to get to know us as people when we have gigantic breasts. They only want to know our breasts. They want to know what they look like under our shirts or what they feel like in their hands. We could have amazing personalities and be the most loving persons in the world, but they will only view us in a sexual way. They'll rarely look at us as wife or girlfriend material because most of them automatically assume that we are loose or easy just because we have large breasts. As if that has anything to do with who we are as people.

2. Other Women Hate Us

Other women usually hate us because of the way men act around us. They often think we're hoes, or we're "parading around in front of their husbands/boyfriends" on purpose with our big boobies to try to steal them away. Nope. We're just minding our own business. The men are being dogs all on their own. 

3. They Cause Pain and Discomfort

Big boom-booms are notorious for causing a wealth of problems up to and including back pain, shoulder pain, neck pain, rashes, shoulder cuts, posture problems, spinal disarray, and more. I've had my run-ins with all such problems, and that's the primary reason I'm going to be getting the reduction procedure. 

4. You Can't Play Sports

Have you ever tried to play tennis or basketball or do jumping jacks or rope jumping with 10 pounds of flesh bouncing around? It isn't pretty. Football? Forget about it. 

5. You Have Trouble Finding Bras

It's hard enough to find a bra when you just have a large cup size. Being small around the torso with a large cup size makes it very difficult to find the right bras. If I'm lucky, I'll find one bra in my size for like $1,000 at some department store 50 miles away. Otherwise, I have to order them off the internet, and they don't fit half the time when I do that. 

6. Your Clothing Selection Is Limited

A busty woman can never wear whatever she wants to wear. Things like lingerie and bathing suits and "summer dresses" are almost unheard of. There's a world of stuff that we just can't fit. Even if we do manage to cram our boobies into the item, it doesn't look attractive at all. It looks very awkward. We either get breast camel toes on the sides, or they get smushed down and look like whole bean bag chairs under our shirts. 

7. They Sag Ungodly

Gravity is a b*tch, and when we have extremely large breasts, the weight makes them drop down like two bowling balls hanging from our necks on a rubber band. 

8. They're a Safety Hazard

Big boobs can get caught in a conveyor belt if we work in a warehouse. They can also suffocate our mates or our infant children. If we're not careful, we can slap some folks in the face/neck/chest (depends on their height) by accident and risk being charged with assault. 

9. It's Hard to Sleep on Your Stomach

It's very difficult to get a good night's sleep when we have huge boom-booms. It actually hurts to lie on them. 

10. They Get Stank

The breasts are the first part of the body to start sweating when we work out or work at our jobs really hard. That feels really stank. 

11. Barnum & Bailey Tries to Hire You

The circus often mistakes us for participants when they're in town. Hell, they've even tried to recruit us a few times. 

Hopefully, this little half-serious-and-half-playful piece will help you understand the dilemma of having large breasts from a sufferer's perspective. For me, they've been nothing but trouble. Since I don't have a village of children to breastfeed, and I already have airbags in my car, I don't see much use for them at all. 

Walmart Has Tasty Salmon?

I am not one who cooks much, but it's not because I can't. It's because I don't feel like it. I never enjoyed doing it. It just wasn't my cup of tea, but most of my exes did enjoy doing it. Thus, I escaped a lot of years of having to cook for my mates because they did the cooking. The one who didn't cook always complained about something or another when I cooked, so I said to myself, "**** 'em." I unapologetically stopped doing it since it wasn't good enough. I always say that if you don't like the way I do something, you can always do it your damn self. 

Since I'm single, I don't have to feel obligated to fit anybody's mold for when or how I should cook. I do it when I want to, and if I don't, I don't. When I do cook, it comes out perfectly for me

I felt pretty crappy this week. I'm not sure if I was on the anemic side or what, but I felt run down, and I hadn't even done anything to warrant the fatigue. I figured I'd better buy some actual food instead of getting my nutrition from a quick can or box this week. 

I picked up some fresh salmon along with some other things from Walmart. I almost bought their frozen salmon, but then I read the back of the bag:

"Product may contain particles of crab, lobster, shrimp or other crustaceans." 


Certain seafood items are off-limits to me. Shrimp, lobster, and crabs are three such seafood items. Salmon has fins and scales, so it's permissible.  I can't have salmon that's contaminated with no-no items, though.  Nope.

I saw no such notice on the fresh salmon, so I bought it. I put some garlic powder and paprika on that summabish and broiled it at 375. I ate the entire piece. Half of it was a full serving for me, but it was so good that I went back and ate the other half, too. 


Not only was it tasty as hell, but it also made me feel better. There's a nutrient in tuna and salmon that always perks me up if I'm feeling drained of energy. Maybe it's the omega-3, but I'm not sure. Something worked well for me, though. 

I'd like to get ahold of some wild-caught Pacific salmon, but they don't have it there as far as I know. 

Verizon Palm Phone Tried to Entice Me

Everyone has a vice, and I guess mine is investing in expensive smartphones that I don't actually need. It could be worse. Anyway, I've been tinkering with the Z (Samsung Galaxy Z Flip) for about four months now, and I still think it's great. Haha, it still has that novelty effect on people who've never seen it before, too. People still stop dead in their tracks when I'm using it and say, "Like OMG... your phone FOLDS???!" I'm like, "Uh... yeah." Yawn. 

We don't see many fully capable Android flip phones around other than the RAZR phones. The Z is a bit extra, though. It can do more stuff than the RAZR can, I think. That's not why I got it, though. I got it mostly because of its SIZE. I abhor big clunky smartphones that take up all the space in my fanny pack. I don't' want anything that I can't fit in my pocket. Personally, I think there are way too many gigantic-screen-having appliances on the market, and I hate them all. I'm satisfied with my Z because it's compact enough for me to hide it, but then it flips out when I need a full screen. Perfect, right? 

Well, almost. You see, I'm always looking for a new smartphone novelty. I was bored the other day, and I did a random Google search for "small-as-f*ck smartphone." Not really, but I did want to see if there was anything tinier than what I already had. I found this:

Verizon is offering this little cutey with a 3.3-inch screen. Awe, isn't it adorable? It's called the Palm Phone because it can literally fit in the palm of your hand. It caught my eye for a minute because I thought it was smaller than my Z. I considered switching up for a minute since it's much less expensive than my Z is. Unfortunately, that's going to be a NOPE. I measured my closed Z and found that it's the same size closed as the Palm is in its full bar shape. So I get the best of both worlds as it is. I have a compact smartphone that unfolds into a big screen when I need to do something important. I don't have to squint when I'm trying to text someone or put my glasses on to see who's calling me. Aside from that, the Z has much better specs. 

The conclusion: Nevermind.   

The Toxic Narcissist and Empath Tango


Toxic relationships are games, and each participant's objective is to win. In a narcissist-codependent or narcissist-empath relationship, the narc wants to "win" by completely destroying the target. The target wants to "win" by changing the narcissist back into something that he never was in the first place. She wants to make him into a loving, caring, and empathetic person. Both parties do it for the wrong reason, which is to validate themselves.

The narc would feel powerful just knowing that he caused someone so much emotional pain that she could no longer function properly. The codependent would feel important if she could turn a frog into a prince or a devil into an angel. If they could only "win," they could experience that sense of control they never had when they were children. 

These dysfunctional entanglements often go on for years, back and forth, break up and makeup, no contact and re-contact, etc. Nobody ever wins, though. The longer it goes on, the more both parties lose. The empath is the one who loses the most, however. She loses self-esteem, self-respect, confidence, hope, trust, and sometimes even faith in humanity. If she plays the game too long, she runs the risk of being stuck in it forever. 

It's not too late for her, though. As long as she has an ounce of hope (for herself) and a mustard seed of faith, she can get out. She can heal, and she can find true love one day. All she has to do is stop playing the game. 

How does one stop playing the game, though? 

It's really not as complicated as people make it. It's just like a game of catch where two people throw a ball back and forth to each other... over and over and over again. If one of them doesn't want to play the game anymore, all that person has to do is stop throwing the ball back. Put it down instead of throwing it back and simply walk away. Game over. 

"The Last Shift" and "Unhinged": Good Movies or No?

There hasn't been a whole lot going on in the movie realm because of COVID-19, but our theaters slowly re-opened. Some folks have been brave enough to enter the premises. The theaters require all visitors to wear masks, and they practice social distancing. Right now, social distancing isn't hard because not many people are willing to go out at all. My philosophy is this: It's not any more dangerous to go to a movie theater than it is to show up at an essential job every day. There's much more risk at the local grocery retailers/department stores than there is at the movie theaters. But to each his or her own. 

"Unhinged" seemed interesting to me because it was a road rage movie. When I saw the trailer, I thought it would be an action movie with some element of comedy to it. I hadn't seen Rusell Crowe in a while, and it was good to see a familiar face. I'm not an avid fan of his, but I'm sort of a fan. 

I didn't care for the movie too much, however. It wasn't what I expected. It turned out to be more of a horror/slasher movie than I wanted. I wouldn't have watched it if I had known that as I don't do horror at all. Russell Crowe gave an amazing performance, but the movie was too gruesome for my taste. 

On the other hand, I enjoyed "The Last Shift" very much. It definitely won't be a box office hit, but it was a hit in my book. I liked the plot and theme. It's about ordinary people with real-life issues. That's what compelled me to see it. I'm a writer, and I'd have probably written a similar screenplay if I'd had the chance. 

"The Last Shift" ended up being a different movie than I thought it would be, too. It took some unexpected turns and made me think hard about racism, stereotypes, work politics, and the like. The only thing I didn't like about it was the ending. It was too abrupt, and it didn't thoroughly explain what the two characters were thinking and how they felt at that last moment. 

I'd give "The Last Shift" three and a half stars, and I'd give "Unhinged" two and a half stars. "Unhinged" might be enjoyable to those who like horror flicks, but I didn't enjoy it. "The Last Shift" probably won't be popular with the superhero crowd or the action-movie group. It's a slow-moving flick that provokes thought. Watching it is sort of like reading a book. Therefore, it won't be for people who are looking for instant gratification.  

The Disadvantages of Having Large Breasts

Someone asked me why I would even consider getting my infamous tatas reduced. My answer was as follows: "There is absolutely no benefi...