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Is Ghosting Someone Emotional Abuse?

Ghosting is one of the cruelest and most emotionally damaging things that one human being can do to another. It can make a person feel worth...

Tricky Trauma


Trauma is a tricky thing. Sometimes, we think we've "dealt with" a specific traumatic event, and then we find out years later that we haven't really dealt with it at all because it was much too painful. Then we end up making really dumb decisions in an attempt to close that wound our way. Even worse, the dumb choices we make to try to soothe ourselves from one traumatic experience can open the door to a new traumatic experience... or two.

There are many predators in the world, and unfortunately, our vulnerability draws them to us. If we're not careful, those predatory personalities can totally take advantage of our trauma and cause additional trauma while they're at it. Then we're left dealing with the new trauma, the old trauma, and the shame or guilt of erring spiritually and not being who we were created to be. 

There's a constant battle going on between goodness and evil. We can't ever forget that or allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in a self-directed mission that we blind our own eyes to the battle and get whooped. 

It's pretty tough sometimes just to live, survive, and try to be happy in this life. We don't always do the right thing. Fortunately, falling short is human nature, and we have a merciful Savior who knows that and provides the grace to make it through. Every day we open our eyes is a whole new chance for us to get it right. It ain't over 'til it's over. Just because you lose a battle in 2020 doesn't mean you'll lose the same battle in 2021. 

You Can Only Change You


 You don't need to try to convince someone else to change their behavior or treat you better. You don't need to explain yourself or prove you're good enough or worthy of their respect, love, time, validation, or basic human decency. Nope. They don't have to change at all. You do. 

  • Change your number
  • Change your residence
  • Change your job
  • Change your mindset
  • Change your friends list
  • Change your faith
  • Change your expectations
  • Change your attitude
  • Change your outlook
  • Change your responses
  • Change your game plan

Pick one or several but do something differently.  Let a leopard stay a leopard while you transform into an empowered and beautiful butterfly. 

You Can't Explain Yourself to a Narcissist

 


Oftentimes, targets to try reason with narcissists or "explain themselves" because they think that the narcissistic individuals will somehow have an epiphany about their behavior. They believe the narcissists abuse them because of a terrible misunderstanding about who they are as a person.

Examples

"He thinks I'm a loose woman who likes being used as a w****. I better explain that's not who I am. I better explain that I only do this with people I love. Once he understands, he'll stop treating me like this." 

"She thinks I'm a bad guy, so she cheats on me repeatedly because she thinks I don't love her. I better explain to her that I'm not like that. Once I explain it to her, she'll stop doing this to me." 

"He hits me or calls me names because he thinks I provoke him. Let me explain that I'm not trying to rock the boat!"

"He/she ignores me and dumps me and comes back days/months/years later because of something I did/said. I should explain and apologize."

"He didn't show up for me at the hospital when I was dying because I went on an innocent trip with my best friend several years ago while we were broken up (because he discarded me). I better explain that all over again. Surely, I'm in the wrong here."

Waste... of... time. 

Narcissists abuse their targets because they like to do so. It's as simple as that. It's fun for them. Kids play with toys. Narcissists play with people.  

Narcissistic people know their targets are good people. In fact, they HUNT for "good people" all the time. They seek empathetic and kind-natured people who are likely to give them more than one chance to act a fool on them, lol. They treat these people the worst because they have a deep-seated hatred for everything good, pure, and genuine. They HATE love. In fact, if you want to piss a narcissist off real quick, tell them you love him/her, or ask him/her to do something for you or with you that isn't in their self-fulfilling agenda. Ask them for an emotional connection instead of a f***, or ask them to help you when you're in need. You'll make them angry, and you won't get what you asked for.

They know their targets aren't cheaters, liars, whores, dummies, or malicious like them. But their whole show is about gaslighting. Their whole game is about destroying self-esteem, killing self-respect and dignity, and stealing love/time/sex/money/shelter/misguided commitment through manipulations and emotional abuse. 

Hmmm. Rob, kill, and destroy. Sounds kind of like Satan's agenda, doesn't it? 

If narcissists can get away with stealing your identity, they'll do that, too. If they can drive you crazy enough to whereas you start believing you're worthless, that's all the better for them. If they can make you so bitter and angry that you become like them, that'll really make their day.

You cannot reason with narcissists, because they don't operate with logic. You can't understand crazy. 

You can not explain who you are to them. They already know who you are. They just don't care. They're going to treat you like garbage anyway... just because they can.  

You can not plead with a narcissist. It will make them want to hurt you more. 

You can not cry to a narcissist. Your tears will only make them laugh. 

You can not bargain with a narcissist. You will always end up with the short end of the stick. 

The only thing you can do with a narcissist is walk away. Say no to giving them their supply. Walk away with the self-respect you still have, and forget that you ever met such a person. Repent of having a devil anywhere near you, and be thankful that you weren't their main supply.

Employment Opinion: Job Roles and Descriptions: Changing Job Duties

 


My thoughts on job descriptions and duties are as follows:

All jobs have detailed job descriptions that can be found in the job postings as well as the company intranet pages and other company resources. Workers don't generally enter a business relationship expecting that their job duties will vary too much from what's in the description. Why would they?

If an employer establishes from day one that a person's job description and duties may vary (within reason and relevancy) from time to time, that's one thing. I don't believe anyone would be upset about it if they were asked to work the drive-through instead of the front register at McDonald's, for example. They probably wouldn't get upset about having to wipe the tables down or clean the bathrooms from time to time, either, as it's all part of the upkeep of the establishment. Some people might still get upset, and some people might not. The bathroom thing might be getting into the gray area a wee bit, but it's still within reason.

It's quite another thing to hire someone as an equipment repair technician and then suddenly ask them to go in the kitchen and flip burgers after several years of service as an equipment repair technician. They may be an "employee of McDonald's," but they were hired to perform a specialized mechanical role that has nothing to do with building a Big Mac. That individual might just get upset, and they might just have every right to get upset. 

The problem is not about whether the individual knows how to flip burgers or has a 10-year history of doing so. The problem is more about the original job description and role, the relevancy of the tasks, whether that person feels comfortable making such a huge adjustment, and whether the employer's request is within reason. 

A lot of factors would be in play here. Did they ever explain the possible job variation to the employee? Do they have other people they hired as cooks that they could ask to perform that particular job? Are they being fair or unfair to that particular equipment technician versus other equipment technicians? Are there other intangible dynamics going on in the workplace? Is the request really something that's necessary for the business's needs? Et cetera. 

Then there's the law. The law tends to give employers a lot of leeway under the "at-will" classification, but in some cases, they do find such employers to be incorrect.

For me, it depends on the day-one communication. Personally, I'd have much more respect for an employer who told me from day one that they might one day ask me to do a drastic unofficial entire role change than I would for one who just threw it on me. At least, with day one notification, I could choose right away whether I want to move forward with the employer. Nobody likes to waste time.

Make sense?

It's just my honest opinion on the matter. I don't think I ever fully verbalized my actual thoughts on this topic.

Changing Battery on the 2014 Dodge Avenger



The best part of this job was hearing the impact wrench hit the lugs. No other parts of this job were really fun. My cheap jack was sort of broken, too, so I had to deal with that. The battery had blocks of corrosion on it and the terminals. I had to break the blocks and so forth. So yeah, it took me a little while to get finished with it.