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Is Ghosting Someone Emotional Abuse?

Ghosting is one of the cruelest and most emotionally damaging things that one human being can do to another. It can make a person feel worth...

My Hobbies and Interests Haven't Changed




I have not forsaken working on automobiles, playing my guitar, making music, playing video games, or any of the other things I enjoy doing. The thing is that there are only 24 hours in each day, and now I have so many things on my plate that I have to separate and prioritize them. I'm currently only working on things that are capable of earning me pay either now or in the near future. Or I'm working on things that can improve my quality of life. If it doesn't do one of those two things, it gets put at the bottom of the priority list. My blog posts usually lean toward whatever I'm working on at the time. So no, if I'm not frequently posting about cars, then I'm probably not working on one at the moment. That doesn't mean I won't ever again or that I've suddenly lost the passion for tinkering. It just means I don't have the time right now. On the other hand, if I am writing about biblical principles or some kind of healing or recovery, then I'm probably "working on that." It's all part of who I am. 
 

Silk Has the Tastiest Gluten-Free Protein Drinks Around



Silk protein drink


The Silk Ultra chocolate gluten-free and plant-based protein drink is KING. This drink is very tasty. I'm the chick who buys them all up, drinks them, goes back to the store, and then says:

"Awe man! 'They' bought all the protein drinks!"

Store associates be like, "But... you're 'they.'"



Gluten free protein drink

These are definitely a good choice if you want to avoid gluten. They taste very silky and will give you a nice chocolate fix while you're getting part of your daily protein intake. Can't do much about the sugar content, though. Oh well. 

A Fan of Some New Music?



Do you automatically classify as a fan if you like more than one song by someone? I hope not. 

It appears that I have been liking music by Chris Brown for quite some time now, and I didn't even know it was him. As I said, I hear all kinds of different things on the radio when I drive. I don't do Google searches for every tune I find favorable. I did seek out Ella Mai to download the songs "Trip" and "Boo'd Up." Other than that, I didn't put too much effort into downloading personal copies of any new music.

However, I just found out today that I had been digging "No Guidance" by Chris Brown for months without knowing it. I talked about how I liked "Go Crazy" too. I hear these songs a lot on the radio. He sings a few other songs that I really liked the melody to and didn't know it was him. I usually don't like the other artist who gets on the track with him, though. I like his singing, but not the weird autotuned rappers who get on most of his tracks. That one Young Thug kid sounded like a dying robotic animal that had just been run over by a truck. It's very painful to listen to, and it's even more painful that such sounds are considered "good music" these days, hahaha. The kids love it. Drake doesn't sound bad in that one particular "No Guidance" song, but I'm not a fan. 

I'm from the old school. I'm used to hearing my brothers sing soulful R&B and meaningful, coherent rap verses with their natural voices. 

Toxic Relationships: Blame and Labels Don't Matter Much

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter whose fault it is, what happened in the relationship, who's a narcissist, who's a codependent, or who's any other label. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the mechanics because we're such analytical people, that we forget the most basic principles:

Toxic = BAD

Toxic = POISONOUS

Toxic = PAINFUL

Toxic = DEADLY 

If interactions with another person always end up with you feeling bad about yourself, low in self-esteem, gutted, jabbed, chopped down, confused, or otherwise emotionally or psychologically screwed, then the relationship is TOXIC for you. 

It doesn't matter who that person is or what type of relationship you have with them, whether it be romantic, familial, or friendly. If your interactions always end up with you feeling like you got served a plate of emotional kick-ass, it... is... toxic. It really doesn't matter what your malfunction or their malfunction is. A relationship that constantly hurts is not a good one. 

It doesn't matter whether it's toxic because they're toxic or toxic because you're toxic or toxic because you're both toxic. It's just toxic, and you'll need to separate yourself from it before any healing can begin.

You Really Can Hum to Google to Identify a Song


You really can hum to Google and find a song, even if you don't know a single lyric. All you have to do is hit the little mic button and ask Google "What's this song?" It'll then let you sing, hum, or play whatever part of the song you know and find it for you.

I play the radio when I drive, and I hear all sorts of songs. Some of them catch me, even though I don't usually listen to that particular type of music. 

I had a song in my head today, and I tried the "hum to Google" thing to see if it worked. The only words I knew were "Something something something in the middle of the night," lol. I liked how the singer sang the three or four lines starting with that, but I had no idea what he was saying. None whatsoever. 

I hummed it into Google just like the fella sang the tune. Apparently, I was "in key" and "in tune" because it pulled the song right up for me. 

The song was "Go Crazy" by Chris Brown and Young Thug. I turned the video on for a few seconds and read the actual lyrics. 

Oh my, hahaha. Nevermind.

I guess my ears liked Chris Brown's voice, but I didn't know what the song was about at all. Furthermore, I definitely had never heard Young Thug's part in the song while I was in my car because I didn't care for it at all. That cringy autotune hurt my entire soul, lol. Sorry. I couldn't listen past that point.

An Addict of Unhealthy Love


*An excerpt from an author's musings*

"Sometimes, the saddest part of ending a narcissistic relationship is not that you have to be completely alone. It's not that you'll no longer get those skimpy breadcrumbs of attention or affection. It's not even that your dreams and ideals have been crushed. Nope.

The saddest part of it all is when it finally hits you that you really were dealing with a narcissist. It's when you think back and remember how close you allowed a sociopath to get to you and your home, heart, head, history, etc.

I was in denial about the last narc relationshit. My intuition told me what that person was right away, but like an idiot, I ignored the red flags and the still small voice from above. I ended up getting crushed pretty badly by this person, but I knew I'd survive. I'm a survivor. It's what I do. I can't say the pain didn't kick my ass for a while, though. 

I knew I could never allow myself to be with the person again, but I was still in denial about him being an actual narcissist. I thought I'd come way too far in my recovery to ever deal with such type of person again. 

Unfortunately, I was wrong. The individual proved himself a narcissist by doing a classic maneuver that only narcissists do. Non-narcissistic people are not arrogant enough or non-empathetic enough to ever do anything like that to someone. 

The whole time I was in the discard box, I hoped that he'd never come back to retrieve me for puppet games. It wasn't because I didn't care. Of course, I cared, because my nature is to care for people. But I knew what it would mean if he ever showed up again, so I didn't want it to happen.

Most survivors look forward to the hoover because it gives them some kind of small temporary self-esteem boost or consolation prize after weeks/months/years of being discarded like trash. For me, it was sad because it told me that I was right all along. I could no longer deny who this person really was. This was one time in my life when I didn't actually want to be right. 

The good part about the experience is that it put me more in tune with where I was in my own recovery. You see, I had been struggling with such relationships for a lifetime, and I thought that a self-prescribed six years of celibacy and prayer was going to be my cure-all. Unfortunately, recovering from such extreme trauma requires a lot more work than just isolating oneself and swearing off relations. Abuse has less to do with relations and more to do with predators feeding off our vulnerabilities. Thus, I ended up falling into the traps of narcissism again.   

Recovery requires a lot of inner work. It requires us to be completely honest with ourselves about our own shortcomings. It requires us to take steps to resolve issues that have been present sometimes for decades. It also requires us to have a good human support system in addition to that strong relationship with our Savior. It's my personal belief that only other survivors of these types of traumas can support us sufficiently and effectively. No one else really understands. Thus, I chose to roll with my own community on this.

I have been blogging about the topics of narcissism and codependency for more than two decades. Most people don't know that because I also had severe problems with guilt and shame in the past. I'd build entire websites, gain large followings, interact, and be doing well with my projects. But then, I'd get sucked back into some unhealthy relationship, and I'd feel like I was no longer worthy enough to discuss such topics. I'd let my guilt and shame overwhelm me and cause me to erase all my work and disconnect from all those people who actually took the time to read what I had to say. I didn't know how to deal with my shame back then. I didn't know it was okay to try to support other people, even if I was still a work-in-progress. I thought I was worthless if I wasn't perfect. I know better now. 

I am one year and 22 days 'clean and sober from toxic relationships,' lol. I have recently been tempted through no fault of my own, but I have not 'relapsed.' I am 100 percent single and not in any relationship or relation of any sort. I am now doing everything I can to improve my own life, support other people, and gain the support I need, too. 

I have a YouTube channel that's still pretty young and lacks direction, but it's mine, and I'll keep putting material on it as long as there's someone in the world who finds it helpful. I still have fingers to write with, so I'll be contributing in that aspect, as well. Counseling and coaching? Maybe one day when I'm more mature in my recovery and have worked a program."

We All Have a Purpose


 Everyone has a God-given purpose in life and a reason for being here. No matter who we are, there's something we're supposed to be doing, something that not only glorifies the Creator but serves His people. 

Sometimes, we get put into certain situations repeatedly as "training" to prepare us to serve our purpose. The funny thing about purpose is that we sometimes don't listen to our callings. Our own imaginations and our fleshly desire for worldly blessings sometimes steer us the wrong way. We sometimes decide that we want to be this or we should do that, and then we go on these off-path journeys to try to force our own visions to come true. All the while, our true purpose is like, "Um... what are you doing? Where are you going? I trained you for this, but you're reaching for that. Please take a seat and pray ASAP." 

It happens. The world is a distracting place, and sheep tend to wander off when unattended, lol. 

When we begin to serve our true purpose, it never feels like we're going against the grain spiritually. Yes, we have haters, opposers, scoffers, and people who outright refuse to see us as anything other than who we may have been in the past. But spiritually, there's a sense of peace in knowing that we're doing what we were supposed to be doing all along.  

*If the topics of "God," faith, and spirituality offend you, then this might not be the blog for you to read. Those topics will be showing up frequently here, right along with the other topics I discuss.*

Boundaries: Knowing Where to Draw the Line

 

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation posted an excellent blog about a year ago on boundaries, which got me thinking about mine and why I suffered so greatly in the past from having them crossed repeatedly. An honest self-assessment led me to this answer: I hardly ever established any.

Individuals had crossed my boundaries many times in life in various ways. I had an idea of what my boundaries were. In other words, I knew which kinds of behaviors I liked, disliked, wanted, and didn't want. However, I had a problem verbalizing those boundaries because I dealt with boundary guilt. Internally, I felt that:

  • This person won't like me or love me anymore if I set boundaries.
  • If I truly love this person, I won't set boundaries, or "true love" has no boundaries. 
  • I am selfish if I want or need anything or express my own desires.
  • A "good" wife/girlfriend stands by her partner no matter what. 
  • I am helpless, and there's nothing I can do about XYZ boundary being crossed. 

None of these beliefs is true, but we don't know that when we don't have a healthy concept of boundaries. Those of us who have an unhealthy sense of boundaries often end up in abusive relationships or situations where we dedicate ourselves to caretaking (and trying to control) someone with a dependency issue, such as alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, etc. We feel responsible if our undying love doesn't "cure" them of their dependency or stop the abusive behavior.

The truth is that boundaries are a healthy part of any relationship. They must be established so that other people know how to treat and respect us. Not everyone has a healthy sense of boundaries. Just like us, they may not have had the opportunity to develop them. Therefore, other people may come into our lives with no idea of how to treat other people. We can't expect them not to step over a line if we don't draw one in the first place. On the other hand, once we clearly draw our line, we then have a duty to defend it. What may have been ignorance on the other person's part quickly turns into outright disrespect if he or she crosses it. At that point, we need not feel guilty about not tolerating the behavior.

Furthermore, we're not responsible for other people's behaviors, and there's nothing we can do, good or bad, to control how they choose to act. All we can do is focus on our boundaries and what we need to do to enrich our own lives. We cannot save or change anyone. Only "God" can do that. We can pray for other people and for ourselves, but that's about it. 

Establishing boundaries might require spending some time alone to familiarize ourselves with them. There's nothing wrong with grabbing an old-fashioned pen and paper and writing a simplistic list of what's acceptable and unacceptable. In fact, it might help to clarify them. It might help a boundary-deficient individual to get used to seeing and hearing his or her own voice. 

The Challenge of Change

Change is a difficult process, especially if you're older than 21. It's particularly hard if you've been conditioned for a roller-coaster-ish existence. You become set in your ways and so used to living and functioning in certain ways that true change becomes quite a challenge. It feels a lot like swimming upstream or trying to climb up a mountain while you're carrying a 50-pound backpack. You know the prizes of peaceful living and self-love are at the top of the mountain, but the climb is very tiresome. There's always opposition, too. There's always someone trying to pull you backward or add more weight to your backpack so that you'll lose the motivation to climb. Your own mind will sometimes participate in trying to demotivate you, as well. "It would be so much easier to turn around and just run down the mountain."

Good things are never easy. Bad things always are.

Sometimes, to facilitate change, you might have to let go of unhealthy friendships/relationships/acquaintances, even if those persons were all you had. You might have to work a job that you're not very passionate about to avoid being compelled to tapdance for excellence and recognition. You may have to stay self-aware at all times and moderate your own behaviors and actions. You may also have to change the type of people you allow yourself to associate with. Those people might not seem "exciting," but they might be genuine and stable. You won't have to wonder if they care about you or whether they're going to be there for you because their actions will tell you. You won't have to work so hard for things that healthy individuals give freely. 

Change is exhausting but not impossible. It's uncomfortable but not undoable. It's foreign but also very healthy. It feels weird because it's different, but long-term repetition will most likely undo the awkwardness. It definitely deserves a 30-day challenge at the very least.

One-Sided Friendships and Relationships Afterthoughts




I watched a video earlier that presented some questions to ponder about one-sided friendships and relationships.

I'll have to agree that every person isn't a "bad person" if they don't want to be friends with you or date you. They're not even always bad people if they don't hold you as valuable as you hold them. But sometimes they are, haha. You have to consider whether we're talking about regular people or narcissistic people in these situations.

I've had really tight "ride or die" friendships that just fizzled out over the years. People moved, or their lives changed, and the contact just got less and less. It was no one person's fault, and our journey as friends just ended. I've had relationships that ended too, but I still maintained a friendship with the person. Other times, there was no post-relationship friendship because too much hurt had been dished out. 

Then there are the neediness and personality trait factors. Hmmm. I'm sure I have personality traits that aren't attractive, just like other people have personality traits that aren't attractive to me. I probably could work on some aspects of my personality.

Neediness? That's kind of a weird topic. I pretty much learned to be very self-sufficient, independent, and self-reliant because I had to. I can do just fine by myself. However, perhaps I do come off as needy when I have deep feelings for someone. I require a certain amount of care and communication. If wanting to talk a few times a week or on some kind of regular basis is needy, then I guess I'm needy. If wanting to spend quality time with a friend or partner is needy, then that's me, too. Yup. I do require those things, and I received them with no problems in former relationships. Thus, If I'm "too needy," I don't know anything about it. 

I never, ever, ever, ever chase a person down, though. Ever. In fact, I'm probably the last person to chase someone, just for utter fear of being rejected or feeling like I'm "bothering someone." If I reach out more than once without getting a response, then I probably like the other person a hell of a lot. There will not ever be a third time.

So yeah, I'm not the one who's going to call someone five or six times or beg them to be bothered with me. Nope. Definitely not gonna chase someone who frequently forgets I exist. I'm more likely to stop fooling with them if they don't meet my requirements. Our intentions and goals don't match up. Normally, there won't be any hard feelings about it. But if the individual we're talking about is an emotional abuser, then yes, there will be hard feelings about it. 

Movie Commentary: "Here Today" Was a True Dromedy

 

I'd been looking for a good movie to watch for a while, but all I could find were gore flicks and movies with "hell" or "unholy" in the first or last part of their titles. Yeah, no. 

I considered watching "Mortal Kombat," but then I changed my mind. I enjoy playing my fair share of Mortal Kombat video games, but in no way did I want to see an even more realistic version of the kind of gore the games display. At times, even the games are a bit too much for me, so no. 

Finally, I saw the trailer for "Here Today." The first thought I had was, "Where the heck did they find Billy Crystal after all these years?" The next thought I had was that I might get a bit of nostalgia from watching a Billy Crystal flick. His movies were kind of funny back in the day. So this one had a chance of being funny. Comedy is always my first choice for movies, and the trailer made me laugh a little bit. I'm not that familiar with Tiffany Haddish, but she seemed pretty fun in the trailer to me. 

The movie ended up having a lot more substance to it than a typical comedy. In fact, it wasn't a straight comedy at all. At times, it was a tear-jerking drama. At other times, it toed the line of romance. It wasn't your typical romance but it was love. It showed how two people can be there for one another, be great friends, and truly love each other without having any physical relations whatsoever. 

This is one that you really have to watch to understand. You'll go into it thinking you're going to get some silly Billy Crystal stuff (and you will), but then you'll get much more. I thought it was good. I might even watch it again. I'll give it four stars for touching every one of my emotions at least once within the two-hour span.   

It's Emotional Suicide


I said in my last video that "narcissists are not all bad." In no way does that mean that anyone should stay with one, get involved with one, or try to "help them find their empathy." Hell no. Quite honestly, you will drive yourself crazy trying to do so, or you'll be left so emotionally damaged or drained in the process that there will hardly be anything left of you. Trust me. You might want to separate yourself to avoid emotional death. 

What I meant by my statement is that some narcissists have had to deal with the same kind of earlier-life invalidation, lack of attention, or emotional abandonment/rejection as codependents, and so they crave love/attention/adoration/validation the same way their relationship counterparts do. A lot of the time, it's not their fault that they developed strange ways of getting their needs met.

What I meant was that codependents and narcissists understand each other on a deeper level, and that's why they gravitate toward each other, even when the codependent is definitely not seeking to hook up with a narcissist. 

But make no mistake. These two individuals differ a lot, too. Narcissists have no mercy, especially if someone inflicts some sort of narcissistic injury on them. They will not contribute equally in any kind of relationship with anyone. They will only take. Furthermore, their inner rage is a lot worse than a codependent person's is. Narcissists hate closeness and intimacy. So the closer someone tries to get to a narc, the more the narc is going to punish that person. The "nicer" and more giving that person is, the more that person will get pummeled emotionally. 

They want to live their lives without feeling anything except contempt. They want to believe that those who have empathy, compassion, and feelings are inferior to them. They want to get fed and get gone. They have an appetite for destruction. Anything good, loving, or positive makes them angry. But they still need love, and they need other people's warmth. So they do what they need to get it, and then they crush those who give it to them. What's even worse is that they'll try to come back again once they crush someone,  lol. 

WTF, right? But that's how it is to deal with a narcissist in any capacity. 

Any kind of relationship with a narcissist is basically emotional suicide. I do not advise. 


Canyon Bakehouse: The Best Tasting Gluten-Free Bread EVER!


This stuff here is delicious. It's the best gluten-free loaf bread I have ever tasted in my life. It's expensive, but it's worth it. Try it if you can't eat gluten. They have other options for people who don't like white bread. I give it five stars because I can't stop eating it once I get started. I'll eat it as a sandwich, toast, or just rawdog bread with no butter or peanut butter or nuthin'. This loaf gets gone with a quickness!   

Domino's Gluten-Free Pizza (Crust) Review

 


I finally got up the nerve to try the Gluten-Free Crust at Domino's. As someone who experiences major abdominal swelling, weight gain, fatigue, and other issues immediately after ingesting gluten, I was a bit leery. No, I was very leery. The first thing that made me nervous was the warning they put on the website:

"Domino's pizza made with a Gluten-Free Crust is prepared in a common kitchen with the risk of gluten exposure. Therefore, Domino's DOES NOT recommend this pizza for customers with celiac disease. Customers with gluten sensitivities should exercise judgment in consuming this pizza.

Please note that our Alfredo Sauce is the only topping that contains gluten."

Translation: "The crust doesn't have any gluten, but your pizza still might have gluten in it if we don't clean our oven, or you order the wrong sauce. We can't stop you from playing Russian Roulette with your intestines if you're a celiac, though. Have at it if you like, but we're not responsible." 

I canceled my order last week after reading that, but I was dying to have some regular everyday junk food, dammit. So I took a chance and ordered the pizza with the garlic and parmesan sauce and some mushrooms on top.

So far, so good. No belly swelling. No immediate naptime, and I'm not suddenly 30 pounds heavier. Hallelujah.

I think it's safe to say that this particular pizza didn't have any gluten in it. It was good as hell, too. That thing was so good I ate two slices in my car on the way home. The gluten-free crust actually tasted much better than their regular crust. I'll give it a thumbs up for its quality as a gluten-free item. Most gluten-free foods taste pretty nasty. 

I can't really give it an official "seal of approval" for celiacs and other gluten-sensitive individuals, though. But that's only because Domino's didn't give a seal of approval either. My pizza didn't have any gluten in it, but yours might. Like Domino's basically says in their warning statement, eat it at your own risk. 

*The picture above is from a random website. It is not my pizza. I don't eat pepperoni.*

A Blast From the Past in Automotive Repair


I was looking through my old Google drive for some of my old songs, when I came across this: October 10, 2017 - Monte Carlo cylinder heads immersed in bubbly water with the valves still in, LOL. That was before I removed them and did all the related valve work. 

That was nearly four years ago when I was repairing a motor so that I could once again drive my favorite car around the neighborhood. I still remember the joy I felt the first time I drove that thing to Subway to get my first sandwich after it was fixed. 

What I learned this week is that I never needed to prove myself an automotive technician. I never needed to have an employer "crown" me as one or give me the title of "boss" in the automotive field. I don't really need a piece of paper that says I'm one either, though it'll be a nice new certificate of accomplishment to hang on the wall or keep in my dresser drawers. 

I am an automotive technician, and I don't really need anyone else's approval or acknowledgment of such a fact. That's one of the problems I have that I still need to work on. I still put my self-worth in other people's hands when I shouldn't. When you do that, you ask for trouble. Many people will try to hurt you if they know you have insecurities or vulnerabilities. Others will be too ignorant to see or care who you really are. Then there are the slim few who will acknowledge your talents and abilities. However, your wellness and self-confidence should never depend on whether they do or not. 

I've been having a lot of insightful epiphanies this week. 

Is Ghosting Someone Emotional Abuse?


Ghosting is one of the cruelest and most emotionally damaging things that one human being can do to another. It can make a person feel worthless, unwanted, unimportant, unloved, and all those fun emotions that some folks already struggle with because of their traumatic pasts. It can revive feelings of abandonment and leave a person in a bad way when it's done. 

Ghosting isn't taken as seriously as it should be because it's used by inexperienced young daters, cowardly people who don't like confrontations, and narcissistic individuals, too. However, it's important to understand that its effect on another person's emotions is the same, whether the ghoster does it with intent to harm them or not. 

What Ghosting Is

Ghosting is disappearing on someone you have any type of relationship or relations with. It's when you leave for work one day after breakfast and don't return home to your wife. It's when you don't respond to a message or call after you've just been with someone in a so-called intimate manner. It's when you intentionally deny someone of basic human contact and communication when you know they care for you. It's when you don't check in with someone to see if that person is even breathing. You simply drop off the face of the Earth without a word. You get the picture.

The nature of your relationship doesn't matter, as you're both still HUMAN BEINGS. It's just plain wrong. It's cruel, selfish, and sometimes even sadistic. 

What Ghosting Is Not

Ghosting is not to be confused with the no contact rule, which emotional and verbal abuse survivors commonly use. These persons need to cut contact with abusive individuals to establish boundaries, heal themselves, and prevent further abuse. In most cases, these persons endured a great deal of pain before they decided to cut contact with their abusers. NC is for their emotional wellness and protection and is not a malicious tool. Nine times out of 10, the abusive person knows exactly why the other person doesn't wish to talk to them.

The Right to Ghost

People have the right to talk to or not talk to anyone they want. That's true. It's their phone, their chat account, their presence, their time, etc. Sure, in a perfect world, it should be okay for people to withdraw a little when they feel like it. But ghosters don't "withdraw a little." Ghosters commonly cut people off when everything's supposed to be okay, or they "die" for a while and resurrect themselves only when it suits them. 

These individuals will only communicate if they want something, and they care very little about whether the other person needs anything at all. These types of individuals wouldn't give the other person a glass of water if their head and ass were on fire, but they would feel comfortable asking such a person for a variety of favors and assistance. They often crush one person's spirit to be with someone else, and then they show up when their other relationship(s) has a problem or doesn't work out. These are sociopath games.

Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse?

Hell yeah, it's emotional abuse. Big time. It invalidates and devalues the other person without a word being said. It re-opens the childhood wounds of people who have experienced abandonment or invalidation before. It evokes feelings of worthlessness in individuals who have their emotions invested in the other person. It's a cruel and heartless tool of emotional abuse in the worst form. 

If You're a Ghoster

You have issues, bruh! You have issues, sis! You deserve to have the same thing done to you, preferably by someone you do give a shit about. Grow up and simply tell people the truth when you don't care for them, and you can avoid doing emotional harm to other people. Unless, of course, you enjoy doing it. In that case, you should probably burn in hell. 

 If You've Been Ghosted

There are some positive sides to being ghosted. For one, you get to see how immature the other person is. If it's someone you really liked, you'll realize that an actual relationship with them would not have been okay. They're likely to handle a relationship issue, pregnancy, or marital problem in the same manner. 

Secondly, you'll learn that other people have been ghosted, and you're not alone in your pain. You'll learn that it's all about the ghoster, not about the victims. It doesn't matter if you're mean, nice, fat, skinny, smart, dumb, ugly, pretty, young, old, white, black, or whatever. Ghosters have issues that have nothing to do with you. They have five-year-old toy-shelving mentalities, are severely damaged, or just don't care enough about you to give a shit. In any case, that's not someone you want to invest any more of your time into, let alone your emotions. 

How to Handle a Ghost Who Gets Post-Mortem CPR

Let the ghosts stay dead. If they didn't like you enough to keep up with you, that's fine, but remember that nothing will change after their resurrection. They still won't like you after they resurrect themselves, and they'll likely just use you again IF you let them. Nope. Give 'em a nice ScrewYoulogy and send their ass back to the afterlife.  

The Difference Between an Annulment and a Divorce


*The following piece was prompted by a random topic nudge.*

Some people might wish they could annul their marriages, but it doesn't quite work that way. A marriage can only be annulled under certain circumstances. Otherwise, one of the parties must initiate a full-on divorce.

The main difference between a divorce and an annulment is validity. Divorces are dissolutions of valid marriages, while annulments are legal "erasures" of invalid marriages. Eligibility for annulment has nothing to do with how long you've been married, how your spouse treated you, whether they committed adultery, whether you hate or love them, or whether you wish you'd never married them. It is what it is. The only grounds for annulment are as follows:

  • Both spouses were mentally incompetent when they married (must be proven by professionals).
  • The parties never consummated the marriage (not ever likely).
  • One or both spouses were underaged when they married.
  • One or both spouses were coerced or fraudulently led into the marriage (must be proven in court).
  • The spouses are closely related (ew).
  • One of the spouses was legally married when the marriage occurred. This is bigamy, and it would need to be proven, and the bigamous spouse would then need to spend some time in jail.

If none of the above situations is true, then, unfortunately, the parties would need to go through the legal process of a divorce, and their valid marriage would still remain on record as having existed at one time. In other words, it still existed, even if it only lasted for one day. Unfortunately, individuals can choose to end a bad marriage, but they don't get to choose whether they can have it erased. 


Sources: The law and being in a situation years ago when I once wished an annulment was an option but had to settle for a D.