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Spent Some Time in the Ole Music Box


I never know how my days are going to go. I had a bad week last week. I had to deal with some extremely old information that came up and almost caused me to shame myself and bury myself in my home. It was really silly to go in on myself over it, but I did a little bit. No one likes their old skeletons and such being brought up, but everyone has them. Some of us feel shame much, much more than others, though. 

So I had planned to do something completely different from what I actually did yesterday. I was going to read some materials about dealing with shame, but I ended up working on songs and getting lost in the music. Not sure what happened there, lol. I sat down and listened to beats to see if I could get a spark to write, and I did.

I still love to create art. I just wish I had the right equipment to make perfect-quality tracks. If I ever hit the lottery, I think I'll buy myself a personal studio. There's only one problem with that: I don't play the lottery. Haha.

Singing has been quite a task lately. When we get older, we have to work 10 times harder at everything than we did when we were younger. We must work harder to have children, stay fit, stay awake, look good, etc. We have to work harder to sing, too. I used to be able to go for months or years without practicing, and then I could warm up in 20 minutes or so and sing something pretty well. I was never a very strong singer, but I could make something sound a little pretty if I took my time with it. Now it takes me even longer to get stuff right. 

The only exception is if I'm doing a gritty rock song or something. My deep, raspy voice is perfect for those types of songs. The Nirvana cover took only one recording, for example. It got a very good response from the music community, much better than I expected. I don't ever feel "out of my element" when I'm doing that type of song. It's when I have to try to do some ballad or R&B type thing that I get nervous. I LOVE the music. I just don't think I can sing it well. I can rap, though. 

Raspy rock is not always what I want to write and sing. This time I was in the mood for something else. I got two rough drafts put together, but they need lots of work. They need to be re-sang, remixed, re-everything. One is a mature version of something I wrote in 2012 and only sang once. 

The other song goes hard. That's all I can say, lol. It's some real ish. I never plan the content of my songs. It just comes out. I put this bomb-ass beat on my ears, and then stuff started coming out. 

Both tunes need a lot of work, but at least I didn't lose my love for music. Now, back to those shame readings. 

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