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Getting Better and Thinking About Music


So I have been unwell and trying to recover from that gluten exposure from over a month, ago. Sometimes the symptoms linger on for months, and they come and go on their way out. This week I had headaches, but my stomach is slowly returning to my version of normal: not flat but not completely blown up like I'm in the second trimester of pregnancy.

 It took me six entire months to feel better the last time something like this happened, and I had no assistance whatsoever for lack of insurance. I slowly healed by changing my diet. My problems started again once I returned to a "regular" job and started eating gluten-filled foods on my breaks and such. At the time, I didn't know what was making me sick. But I was tired all the time and had headaches and a distended stomach at times. I got faint several times at work with blurred vision, but I never really told anybody. Hell, I loved the job so much I didn't want to make anyone nervous who already felt like I shouldn't have been doing that job, lol. 

But yes, I haven't felt right for a long time. I used every bit of my strength to work that job, but I often passed out the moment I got home. I got frozen shoulder twice, was nauseous when I shouldn't have been, suffered unexplained dental issues, hair loss, severe gastro issues, and more. I even suffered in the motherly area, which I always felt was a tad bit too early to be happening just because of my age. 

I've been getting a lot of rest and waiting for more tests. I drag myself out of bed or off the couch and work on music when I can. I'm hoping I will feel well enough to get back to the gym next week. We'll see!

My music is changing. The last song I wrote was more positive than many of the others because I'm having more positive experiences now. I'm starting to look at life from a "The rain falls on the good and the bad" perspective. Each of our bad experiences teaches us lessons. We're supposed to learn from them and take from them a growth opportunity, not dwell on them or stay upset. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but it's working. 

"The Way It Is" was the very last song I wrote. I guess I used two different delivery styles to express the same concept. I sang a little, and then I rapped a little, and then I sang a little, and then I rapped a little. 

Before that, I wrote "Husband Benefits," which is an overdue song that does not reflect anything that's going on in my personal life at this time. It's about men who don't respect women and want to get the "husband benefits" without actually becoming one's husband or committing. A.K.A. f*** boys, narcissists, and undercover booty call bandits.

"I Don't Like It Rough" is a remix of a tune I wrote years ago. I tried to sing it in a higher pitch when I first wrote it, and I was out of my range, plain and simple. One of my relatives suggested that I try to "go lower" because I sounded "winded" as I was trying to carry those high notes, haha. I took the constructive criticism and remixed it later after I created another Dubstep-type beat. This version came out much more natural. I really like it, and I don't usually like my own voice.  I don't like it rough has more than one meaning. Yes, it means what you think it means, but it also means I don't like being treated like crap overall.

"Waste My Time" came from a period right before "Husband Benefits" should have been written, haha. I like my voice in that one too, and I like my beat. 

Nirvana's "In Bloom" is Nirvana's "In Bloom." It's one of my favorite Nirvana songs, so I had to give it a go! I loved the way they mixed and mastered the vocals on that track on the "Nevermind" album. The vocals sounded sweet every time they doubled up on them. I think they used Dave as a backup on that, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I liked it so much that I had to sing it my damn self. My voice is nowhere near as strong as Kurt Cobain's, and I definitely can't scream, but I had fun. It's a mellow version of a cover, I guess. 

I mixed three of the songs myself. The last two, I did not. Two of the music pieces (of the first five) are my creations, and three of them are not. None of them is perfect. All of them have some flaw or another,  but I think they're getting better. 

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