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Showing posts with label food product reviews food reviews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food product reviews food reviews. Show all posts

Garden of Life? The Most Horrific Drink I've Ever Tasted


A few days ago was the first time in my entire life I spit out a drink because of its horrible taste. This "drink" was thick, lumpy, and horrifically pungent. I hope it was spoiled and wasn't supposed to taste like that because it was absolutely horrible. The expiration date was for some time in 2022, so I don't know. I was expecting a silky chocolate dream, and I got a... woo... I don't even have a word for it!

I still get a tinge of nausea when I think about how this drink tasted in my mouth. I tried it in the car and immediately opened the door and hack-spit it on the ground. I was so disgusted that I didn't even go back into the store to get my money back. I wanted to go home and wash my mouth out right away! 

There is no rating low enough for this "drink." I do not recommend it at all. As I said, it may have been spoiled. If it was spoiled, it still gets a negative rating for being spoiled. If it wasn't spoiled, the manufacturer needs to go back to the lab ASAP. They couldn't have taste-tested this. -1,000,000 stars.

Vitacost.com users had this to say about the product:

"This drink is only comparable to the lingering taste in your mouth after you have thrown up." - Mossy

"It tasted so horrible it was undrinkable. My roommate tasted it as well and spit it out." - Miranda

" I have no idea how this can taste so bad. There is no chocolate flavor. It is salty and acidic. Vomit and rotten fish smell come to mind." - Veggie

" I never knew there was a vomit flavoring out there but Garden of Life somehow found it and added it to this drink. " - lagray86

Now I know it wasn't spoiled. It was just horrible. 

First Experience With Gluten-Free Kale Crackers

Somebody went shopping the other day for an arsenal of gluten-free foods after she got sick from eating a gluten-free pizza that wasn't actually free of gluten. She's not sure whether the restaurant gave her the wrong pizza this time or if it was cross-contaminated with only a trace amount. That fact didn't matter much as the symptoms were the same. She won't be playing around with iffy restaurant foods anymore. 

She purchased the above-pictured crackers to settle her stomach. Everyone eats crackers and drinks ginger ale when they're sick, right? Well, unfortunately, regular crackers were out of the question. They had to be gluten-free. 

Why she grabbed kale crackers, she'll never know. It's not like she eats kale regularly. In fact, she hardly ever eats kale unless it comes in some kind of mixed-veggie smoothie or some such. Still, something made her grab the expensive kale crackers even after finding several other gluten-free options. Who eats kale crackers? 

She ended up getting those kale crackers and some green tea mixed with ginger to flush the gluten out, deflate the belly, calm the intestines, etc. 

She bit the first cracker slowly.

"Ew! Gross!"

She tasted nothing but kale. 


That should have been the end of it, but something made her try again and eat another cracker. 

"I guess I'll get used to it." 

Then another cracker...

"These aren't too bad."

Then another cracker...

"These are kinda good."

Then several other crackers...

"The whole box is gone?"

She rated the kale crackers with five out of five stars. 

"It takes a minute to get used to the strong kale taste, but after that, you start to appreciate the saltiness and the overall texture of the cracker. As for settling the stomach, they're not too bad for that. They don't cause any additional problems, even though they're jam-packed with a green veggie. My nausea went away." 

The consumer will purchase another box of those crackers ASAP. Her symptoms are much better today, though she has a long way to go before everything heals completely. 

Domino's Gluten-Free Pizza (Crust) Review


I finally got up the nerve to try the Gluten-Free Crust at Domino's. As someone who experiences major abdominal swelling, weight gain, fatigue, and other issues immediately after ingesting gluten, I was a bit leery. No, I was very leery. The first thing that made me nervous was the warning they put on the website:

"Domino's pizza made with a Gluten-Free Crust is prepared in a common kitchen with the risk of gluten exposure. Therefore, Domino's DOES NOT recommend this pizza for customers with celiac disease. Customers with gluten sensitivities should exercise judgment in consuming this pizza.

Please note that our Alfredo Sauce is the only topping that contains gluten."

Translation: "The crust doesn't have any gluten, but your pizza still might have gluten in it if we don't clean our oven, or you order the wrong sauce. We can't stop you from playing Russian Roulette with your intestines if you're a celiac, though. Have at it if you like, but we're not responsible." 

I canceled my order last week after reading that, but I was dying to have some regular everyday junk food, dammit. So I took a chance and ordered the pizza with the garlic and parmesan sauce and some mushrooms on top.

So far, so good. No belly swelling. No immediate naptime, and I'm not suddenly 30 pounds heavier. Hallelujah.

I think it's safe to say that this particular pizza didn't have any gluten in it. It was good as hell, too. That thing was so good I ate two slices in my car on the way home. The gluten-free crust actually tasted much better than their regular crust. I'll give it a thumbs up for its quality as a gluten-free item. Most gluten-free foods taste pretty nasty. 

I can't really give it an official "seal of approval" for celiacs and other gluten-sensitive individuals, though. But that's only because Domino's didn't give a seal of approval either. My pizza didn't have any gluten in it, but yours might. Like Domino's basically says in their warning statement, eat it at your own risk. 

*The picture above is from a random website. It is not my pizza. I don't eat pepperoni.*