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Is Ghosting Someone Emotional Abuse?

Ghosting is one of the cruelest and most emotionally damaging things that one human being can do to another. It can make a person feel worth...

Is Ghosting Someone Emotional Abuse?


Ghosting is one of the cruelest and most emotionally damaging things that one human being can do to another. It can make a person feel worthless, unwanted, unimportant, unloved, and all those fun emotions that some folks already struggle with because of their traumatic pasts. It can revive feelings of abandonment and leave a person in a bad way when it's done. 

Ghosting isn't taken as seriously as it should be because it's used by inexperienced young daters, cowardly people who don't like confrontations, and narcissistic individuals, too. However, it's important to understand that its effect on another person's emotions is the same, whether the ghoster does it with intent to harm them or not. 

What Ghosting Is

Ghosting is disappearing on someone you have any type of relationship or relations with. It's when you leave for work one day after breakfast and don't return home to your wife. It's when you don't respond to a message or call after you've just been with someone in a so-called intimate manner. It's when you intentionally deny someone of basic human contact and communication when you know they care for you. It's when you don't check in with someone to see if that person is even breathing. You simply drop off the face of the Earth without a word. You get the picture.

The nature of your relationship doesn't matter, as you're both still HUMAN BEINGS. It's just plain wrong. It's cruel, selfish, and sometimes even sadistic. 

What Ghosting Is Not

Ghosting is not to be confused with the no contact rule, which emotional and verbal abuse survivors commonly use. These persons need to cut contact with abusive individuals to establish boundaries, heal themselves, and prevent further abuse. In most cases, these persons endured a great deal of pain before they decided to cut contact with their abusers. NC is for their emotional wellness and protection and is not a malicious tool. Nine times out of 10, the abusive person knows exactly why the other person doesn't wish to talk to them.

The Right to Ghost

People have the right to talk to or not talk to anyone they want. That's true. It's their phone, their chat account, their presence, their time, etc. Sure, in a perfect world, it should be okay for people to withdraw a little when they feel like it. But ghosters don't "withdraw a little." Ghosters commonly cut people off when everything's supposed to be okay, or they "die" for a while and resurrect themselves only when it suits them. 

These individuals will only communicate if they want something, and they care very little about whether the other person needs anything at all. These types of individuals wouldn't give the other person a glass of water if their head and ass were on fire, but they would feel comfortable asking such a person for a variety of favors and assistance. They often crush one person's spirit to be with someone else, and then they show up when their other relationship(s) has a problem or doesn't work out. These are sociopath games.

Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse?

Hell yeah, it's emotional abuse. Big time. It invalidates and devalues the other person without a word being said. It re-opens the childhood wounds of people who have experienced abandonment or invalidation before. It evokes feelings of worthlessness in individuals who have their emotions invested in the other person. It's a cruel and heartless tool of emotional abuse in the worst form. 

If You're a Ghoster

You have issues, bruh! You have issues, sis! You deserve to have the same thing done to you, preferably by someone you do give a shit about. Grow up and simply tell people the truth when you don't care for them, and you can avoid doing emotional harm to other people. Unless, of course, you enjoy doing it. In that case, you should probably burn in hell. 

 If You've Been Ghosted

There are some positive sides to being ghosted. For one, you get to see how immature the other person is. If it's someone you really liked, you'll realize that an actual relationship with them would not have been okay. They're likely to handle a relationship issue, pregnancy, or marital problem in the same manner. 

Secondly, you'll learn that other people have been ghosted, and you're not alone in your pain. You'll learn that it's all about the ghoster, not about the victims. It doesn't matter if you're mean, nice, fat, skinny, smart, dumb, ugly, pretty, young, old, white, black, or whatever. Ghosters have issues that have nothing to do with you. They have five-year-old toy-shelving mentalities, are severely damaged, or just don't care enough about you to give a shit. In any case, that's not someone you want to invest any more of your time into, let alone your emotions. 

How to Handle a Ghost Who Gets Post-Mortem CPR

Let the ghosts stay dead. If they didn't like you enough to keep up with you, that's fine, but remember that nothing will change after their resurrection. They still won't like you after they resurrect themselves, and they'll likely just use you again IF you let them. Nope. Give 'em a nice ScrewYoulogy and send their ass back to the afterlife.  

The Difference Between an Annulment and a Divorce


*The following piece was prompted by a random topic nudge.*

Some people might wish they could annul their marriages, but it doesn't quite work that way. A marriage can only be annulled under certain circumstances. Otherwise, one of the parties must initiate a full-on divorce.

The main difference between a divorce and an annulment is validity. Divorces are dissolutions of valid marriages, while annulments are legal "erasures" of invalid marriages. Eligibility for annulment has nothing to do with how long you've been married, how your spouse treated you, whether they committed adultery, whether you hate or love them, or whether you wish you'd never married them. It is what it is. The only grounds for annulment are as follows:

  • Both spouses were mentally incompetent when they married (must be proven by professionals).
  • The parties never consummated the marriage (not ever likely).
  • One or both spouses were underaged when they married.
  • One or both spouses were coerced or fraudulently led into the marriage (must be proven in court).
  • The spouses are closely related (ew).
  • One of the spouses was legally married when the marriage occurred. This is bigamy, and it would need to be proven, and the bigamous spouse would then need to spend some time in jail.

If none of the above situations is true, then, unfortunately, the parties would need to go through the legal process of a divorce, and their valid marriage would still remain on record as having existed at one time. In other words, it still existed, even if it only lasted for one day. Unfortunately, individuals can choose to end a bad marriage, but they don't get to choose whether they can have it erased. 


Sources: The law and being in a situation years ago when I once wished an annulment was an option but had to settle for a D.  

Tricky Trauma


Trauma is a tricky thing. Sometimes, we think we've "dealt with" a specific traumatic event, and then we find out years later that we haven't really dealt with it at all because it was much too painful. Then we end up making really dumb decisions in an attempt to close that wound our way. Even worse, the dumb choices we make to try to soothe ourselves from one traumatic experience can open the door to a new traumatic experience... or two.

There are many predators in the world, and unfortunately, our vulnerability draws them to us. If we're not careful, those predatory personalities can totally take advantage of our trauma and cause additional trauma while they're at it. Then we're left dealing with the new trauma, the old trauma, and the shame or guilt of erring spiritually and not being who we were created to be. 

There's a constant battle going on between goodness and evil. We can't ever forget that or allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in a self-directed mission that we blind our own eyes to the battle and get whooped. 

It's pretty tough sometimes just to live, survive, and try to be happy in this life. We don't always do the right thing. Fortunately, falling short is human nature, and we have a merciful Savior who knows that and provides the grace to make it through. Every day we open our eyes is a whole new chance for us to get it right. It ain't over 'til it's over. Just because you lose a battle in 2020 doesn't mean you'll lose the same battle in 2021. 

You Can Only Change You


 You don't need to try to convince someone else to change their behavior or treat you better. You don't need to explain yourself or prove you're good enough or worthy of their respect, love, time, validation, or basic human decency. Nope. They don't have to change at all. You do. 

  • Change your number
  • Change your residence
  • Change your job
  • Change your mindset
  • Change your friends list
  • Change your faith
  • Change your expectations
  • Change your attitude
  • Change your outlook
  • Change your responses
  • Change your game plan

Pick one or several but do something differently.  Let a leopard stay a leopard while you transform into an empowered and beautiful butterfly.