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Review of Payoneer: NEVER USE PAYONEER!

Contractors and freelancers have to have some way to get paid. Thus, they use services such as Cash App, Payline, Stripe, and so on. They do...

I Like the Detroit: Become Human Game for PS4

I love gaming, but my gameplay is so sporadic that I couldn't justify getting a PS5, not that I could find one anyway. I almost picked one up at Walmart online many months ago. Unfortunately, the system cleared from my basket several times while I was trying to purchase it, and then I got the "sold out" message. Oh well. PS4 it is.

I usually play fighting games and race car games, but I decided to try some interactive story games. First, I tried "Life Is Strange," but I wasn't really feelin' it. Then came "Detroit: Become Human." I enjoy this one a lot. It has a great storyline, and the graphics are super-real. I like the concept of making different choices and seeing how the outcome unfolds. I don't always make the right choices, though. I decided to play Markus as a revolutionary/vigilante with the "protect the mission at all costs" mentality. That didn't work out too well yesterday. I think I just opened up a can of war. Oops. 

I think Kara is my favorite character of them all. I like her human-like love for the little girl. I'm neutral towards Connor. I think his abilities are cool, but he's not my favorite droid. He's a little too droidy for me, haha. So I  play him to make compassionate and empathetic decisions every chance I get. 

I may dig into it a little more today. We'll see. 

Lifehouse: Good and Grungy

Some of the songs from Lifehouse's old album "No Name Face" have been on my driving playlist lately. It's hard to believe that these songs are 20 years old. Wow. I remember seeing "Hanging by a Moment" on MTV over and over and over again back in the day. Their music didn't really catch on with me at first. I felt like Jason Wade's voice didn't match his looks (he looked super-young but had a grown man's voice), but then I started to like it. 

He has one of the s*xiest rock/alternative/post-grunge voices of all time. It's kinda deep and grungy (which I love), but then it breaks out in those whiney, painful falsetto bits from time to time (see: "Somebody Else's Song") that are also quite dreamy.

But I didn't like Lifehouse just for the voice. Their lyrics were deep, as well. I remember listening to "Sick Cycle Carousel" one day with one of my female besties as we were discussing the extremely unhealthy relationship I was in at the time.

"If shame had a face

I think it would kind of look like mine

If it had a home would it be my eyes?

Would you believe me

If I said I'm tired of this?

Well here we go now one more time"  

I really liked that song too, but I'll have to say that my favorite song on the album is "Simon." I'm not sure if it's as popular as "Hanging by a Moment," but it always gets played when I'm on a Lifehouse kick. Its vocal arrangement is gorgeous, but it also has a deep meaning. When asked about the song, Wade said the following:

"I wrote this about a friend of mine who told me about his childhood. He was telling me how he went to school and was the outcast, and everyone picked on him and called him names, and he didn't have one friend. I started feeling the same emotions he must have felt and just started writing these lyrics... The feeling of being alone, of being abandoned, connects to that. So "Simon" came really easily."

Some confusion existed over the years about whether Lifehouse was a "Christian" band. Wade concluded that the band wasn't a Christian band but that he was a Christian. There's a difference. Christian bands generally focus their content on the Creator. But bands with Christian members don't always do that. I always thought Lifehouse's songs had a lot of substance to them. I like music with good substance, deep lyrics. 

My personal taste in music has always been very diverse. I mess with all genres and have quite a variable playlist. I loved the grunge era to pieces. Some Lifehouse songs remind me of that grunge. 





The Peace and Power in Forgiveness


Forgiveness is something that you give to another person for yourself in many cases. Not everyone who wrongs you is going to ask for forgiveness. In fact, many people won't care enough about hurting you to request such a thing. Still, it's something that needs to be done for your sake, not the other person's sake. Letting go of the resentment you have in your heart is liberating. It unties you not only from the other person, but from the bondage of anger, hurt, rumination, and regret. You don't have to forgive them to their face or give them a dramatic speech about it. You can do it at any time and in any place, without saying a single word to the other person. 

It's understandable that you might want to hold onto the negative feelings, though. Sometimes, it can feel quite good to allow resentment and anger to boil in your blood over something someone took from you or the way someone betrayed you. Perhaps you feel that your anger will somehow torch your enemies from afar and cause them to burst into flames. You might feel like, "Hell, they don't deserve any forgiveness from me." 

Maybe not, but you deserve forgiveness. You deserve to be set free from the situation, whatever it is. Nine times out of 10, the other person isn't giving you or your wellness a second thought, but you're still hurting and boiling over something that happened a week, month, year, or decade(s) ago. Even worse, some people might be getting a sick pleasure from your inner turmoil. Do you want to let a sicko win? 

When you forgive somebody, you take that big plate of destruction, devastation, and defeat, and you throw it right back at whoever served it to you. You didn't order that dish, and you're not going to eat or digest it. Hurl it from your table and toss it back their way. "I forgive you." That plate is now on them. Enjoy. 

You can now leave the restaurant and let them pay for the meal. 

The Resentment of Unmet Expectations

*an excerpt from some author's musings*

"The main cause of our resentment toward other people is that such people fail to meet our expectations. Sometimes, we harbor preconceived expectations and then become crushed if someone doesn't meet them. Sometimes, we then attempt to control our environments or situations to have those expectations met. And again, we become crushed if it doesn't work out.

  • We expect our caretakers to nurture and protect us.
  • We expect our family members to support us in our endeavors, achievements, failures, battles, victories, losses, etc. because they're family.
  • We expect other people to love us because we love them.
  • We expect people to love us equally.
  • We expect others to be kind to us just because we're kind to them.
  • We expect people to like us because we're hella likable. 
  • We expect people not to hurt us.
  • We expect people not to take advantage of us just because it isn't nice to do so.
  • We expect people to be honest with us if we're honest with them. 
  • We expect loyalty, commitment, and dedication if we give it. 
  • We expect fair treatment.

The list goes on and on.

Four major flaws exist in this way of thinking and the patterns of behavior that follow it:

  • We can't control anything or anyone except ourselves.
  • We can't expect other people to be us.
  • We can't enter relationships with an ROI (Return on Investment) mindset.
  • Life ain't always fair. 

Possible Solutions:

Never Say Yes When You Mean Hell No

Doing things we don't want to do with the expectation of receiving something in return is hazardous to our health. It's best only to do things we really want to do and not expect anything in particular in return. It's best to do what we want to do in moderation, as well. For example, we should learn to regulate our "emotional generosity" and not give our entire hearts to those who haven't even shown us that they deserve them. Why commit to someone who hasn't committed? Why give loyalty when loyalty isn't given or requested? It doesn't make sense. 

Respect Other People's Free Will 

Everyone in this world has free will. Thus, they have the right to choose how they behave and interact with other people. We can't expect other people to use their free will the same way we choose to use ours, and we can't expect reflections of ourselves to come to us as relationship partners. People are who they are, and we must allow them to be themselves. 

The better choice might be to date ourselves for a while. We can love ourselves and be dedicated and committed to our own wellness. We can invest in ourselves and get the wonderful ROI of abundant happiness. We can meet our own expectations until the right person comes along. Furthermore, we have a loving Creator who will give us all the comfort, love, companionship, dedication, loyalty, care, and assistance we need. We might want to see Him for some of that TLC we're missing. We also might want to see Him about having some of our character defects removed.

Don't Be Afraid to GTFO

We can always choose to step away from those who treat us in unhealthy ways, for we also have free will. We can choose not to go along with unacceptable behaviors, mistreatment, or one-sided relationships. No one can make us stay or put up with any such things."   

6 Balloons Movie: Great Codependency Flick

There aren't too many movies out there with a codependency theme, but "6 Balloons" is one such movie. Interested persons can only view it on Netflix. 

It's themed around the relationship between a codependent sister and a heroin-addicted brother, but it can apply to any type of relationship where one person has an addiction or abusive behaviors, and the other person tries desperately to "save" that person or change that person's behavior. The codependent individual often unknowingly neglects her loved ones, job, children, and even herself because she focuses so much on "changing the other person." She may also exhibit destructive behaviors if things don't go her way. That's why codependency is its own addiction.

The first thing we see in the movie is the main character, Katie, planning a huge birthday celebration for her boyfriend. We then see a glimpse of the dynamics between Katie and her parents, but they don't give us a whole bunch. We see Katie's mother insulting her looks and telling her what she should and shouldn't wear to the party. At one point, the mother says to her, "You look good," after Katie conforms to her makeup "suggestions." Katie smiles, and then the mother immediately reneges on her compliment by saying, "Well... better." So many messages came through in that scene: "You're still ugly but a little better looking now that you've done what I told you," and "What you did still wasn't good enough" came to mind. That had to hurt. Katie tries to laugh it off and handle it passively as if it doesn't bother her, but we know better. 

The father is an unemotional person who tells everyone to "suck it up" when they're in pain. He has no other solutions and doesn't really console anyone. He doesn't do emotions. So there's that. 

So the movie starts with a little glimpse of the family dynamics and Katie running around to get everything done for the party. Throughout the movie, we hear an inspirational tape playing and telling Katie which part of her codependent cycle she's in.

Katie's father was supposed to pick up the brother, Seth, and his daughter for the party. However, he dumps the responsibility onto Katie and asks her to grab him instead. Katie complies and goes to pick him up on the way to get the cake for the party.

When Katie gets to Seth's house, she finds that Seth has started using heroin for the umpteenth time, and his daughter is a bit unkempt. She then wants to "help him" by forcing him to go to detox. He agrees to go to detox but insists that she keep everything a secret.

A few minutes later, we see Seth insult Katie by calling her "incompetent" and then teaching his two-year-old daughter to say the same thing about her. Are we seeing some more of the family dynamics here? Katie again laughs it off like it's no big deal that her brother taught his daughter to say that she's incompetent. 


Everything changes once Seth gets to the detox facility and starts having withdrawal symptoms. He calls Katie and asks her to leave the party and "rescue him" from the facility. He then asks her to involve herself in getting him "just a little bit" of drugs to ease his pain. The cycle continues from there. 

Pretty soon, Katie is absent from the party, not answering her phone, and enmeshing herself in Seth's issues and problems, all because she thinks she can save him, and things will be different this time.

I won't give away the ending, but I'll say that this was an excellent flick of a certain niche. There aren't enough of these movies around, in my opinion.